..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
