I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
