just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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