My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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