4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
