how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
