I accidentally had phone sex last night
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I touched a dick in church today
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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