Are we in a gay sports bar?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
