Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
dude i'm inner monologue high
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
