I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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