i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
