Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
