is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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