sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
