it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
