Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize
