I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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