literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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