So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
In America we eat man semen.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize
