Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
