it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
