in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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