You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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