I just pynch a tree in the face
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
