So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
