Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
