she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
