bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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