Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
