btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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