I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
