I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
