ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
