I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
