Whatcha textin bout Willis?
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
