Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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