I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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