I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
