i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
