I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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