I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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