you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Randomize
