yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
love makes seman taste better
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
