we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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