My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
