And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
