Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
