The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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