that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
