3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Randomize
