I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
