Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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